Dear Amy: The #SMEtiquette of Sincerity

Today's #SMEtiquette post is an interesting one - different than the usual fare, in part because it's related to the topic of Impostor Syndrome. Impostor syndrome fascinates me - the idea that you're a fraud, that you don't really deserve the success you've had.I know I've suffered from the feeling at various points in my life, and have had the discussion with many others who have. In this question, we have someone questioning someone else's motives, and then turning that eye back on herself, wondering if she comes across as insincere as well.Don't forget to submit your questions!

Dear Amy:I have a social media "friend" who came on the scene a few years ago and has somehow managed to become on close terms with everyone I know well and consider to be real friends, as well as every “big name” in social.This person also comments on my updates regularly, but I find myself not trusting whether the comments and actions have any basis in friendship.I sometimes, wonder if I come across the same way, though. And that gives me pause.Sincerely,Self-Doubter

Dear Self-Doubter:This is a really interesting issue. We often see others doing things on social media that make us question their sincerity, but when we dig down, those may be things that we ourselves have done.What is it about their actions that make us question their sincerity?Is it the speed with which he has befriended all the people you know? Is it the amount this person comments on your posts, as well as others?Are you feeling the Impostor Syndrome, where you’re wondering how you got into the position you’re in and wonder if other people think you’re insincere?There are a lot of things at play here, and most of if goes beyond the realm of etiquette.But let’s just look at this social media friend and his actions.When someone comes out of nowhere and suddenly starts befriending you and everyone you know, it’s a bit creepy. She may have targeted you as someone he respects or admires and wants to emulate you. She may have decided you’re a significant influencer and wants to connect with all the people you’re connected to.That’s flattering, but understandable if it still feels a little creepy. I think women are more liable to find this creepy than men, too – particularly if the new person is a man, but not only if that’s the case.So do this: Accept the friendship. If this person has never done anything improper, take her at face value. Perhaps she just likes what you are doing on social, and the things that you share. She likes your style.If your gut tells you to keep this person at arm’s length, then just don’t share anything too personal with her. Perhaps you’ll get to meet her in person one day and truly to get to know one another.And if this person does turn out to have an ulterior motive, you will find out sooner or later.We always find out at some point.