Dear Amy: The #SMEtiquette of Plastic Surgery

This week's Dear Amy seems rather puzzling, but reminds us that even when others seemingly ask us for our opinion, they may not really be asking us for our opinion.Think before you tell someone she's wrong. And if you're not sure that you're telling her she's wrong, you're probably telling her she's wrong.Don't forget! Submit your question.

Dear Amy:My friend announced on Facebook that she was getting a boob job. I and several other friends chimed in to urge her not to, telling her she was so pretty as she was.She got ticked off and said she didn’t think she was ugly, she just wanted a boob job and it was none of our business.But she posted it on Facebook. WTF?Sincerely,Befuddled Boob

Dear Befuddled:Yes, she posted it publicly, which seems to make her assertion that it’s none of your business a little odd.That doesn’t mean she’s wrong, necessarily.She wasn’t asking your opinion. She was telling you what she was going to do. This was a decision she’d likely spent a lot of time thinking about (one would hope that would be the case about any sort of surgery, not least of all one that significantly affects your appearance).She was sharing her news and should have expected that some friends would react negatively to it. You must understand – your reaction was negative. You were telling her she was making a mistake.It sounded as if you were complimenting her. “Oh, you’re so pretty!”But to her, it sounded as if you were telling her she had low self-esteem and maybe she wouldn’t be so pretty after getting the surgery.Maybe you feel very strongly about women getting breast augmentation, that they shouldn’t do it. That’s great. You are more than entitled to that opinion.Your friend obviously feels differently. All she could hear in your comment was the negative.I made the same mistake once, in fact. I honestly thought I was being nice and positive and was at first surprised that she didn’t see my comment and rethink the whole thing and say, “You’re right! I’m not gonna get a boob job!”She got a little annoyed at me and others who were urging her not to do it. I thought about it and realized she was right, and we were wrong. It’s her body, not mine. She was sharing her news, not asking our opinion.I suppose you don’t always have to be asked your opinion to express it – especially in serious situations where your friend could be making a grave mistake and you know she doesn’t have all the information.But your friend was only making a grave mistake according to you. And she probably had all the information she needed to make her decision.