Dear Amy: The #SMEtiquette of Expressing Your Beliefs
We often forget that when other people are posting things in line with their social or political beliefs, they are not asking our permission nor are they going to suddenly discover they were wrong because we tell them.That's what this grandma forgot when she was upset her granddaughter publicly supported gay rights on her own Facebook profile, so granny resorted to some old-school communication techniques.Don't forget to submit your question!
Dear Amy:My granddaughter-in-law went to a parade this summer celebrating the homosexual lifestyle. She had her photo taken with two “gentlemen” while she was wearing a shirt with a completely inappropriate phrase – suggesting that others dance their posteriors off, but not in such delicate language. She then posted it on Facebook for all the world to see!I promptly wrote her a letter (with pen and paper) informing her of my displeasure and suggesting she refrain from such inappropriate behavior in the future.She has not responded, though I’ve now written her three letters. Do you think she’s gotten the message or should I call her to make sure?Gobsmacked Grandma
Dear Gobsmacked:Pardon me, as I’m a bit gobsmacked myself.Your granddaughter-in-law posted a photo you deemed inappropriate and you’ve now written not one, but three snail-mail letters to her expressing your displeasure?I hate to say it, but you are the one who has indulged in poor #SMEtiquette, not her.Let’s step back for a moment. It seems from the way you phrased things that you’re not comfortable with the fact that she attended a gay pride parade, period. Fine. You’re entitled to your opinion, as she is, hers.Further, you deem her T-shirt, which appears to have said something like “Dance Your Ass Off”, as thoroughly inappropriate. Fine. Again, opinions.She had a photo taken with two strangers, and who knows what they may have been doing, and they were probably gay. To add insult to injury, she had the audacity to post this photo to Facebook!To her personal Facebook profile.I will assume she likely knows your feelings on the subject, and will assume she did not tag you in this photo. I would wager she did not post this as a personal affront to you. In fact, I’d bet she posted it because she had a good time and it was in support of a cause or issue she feels strongly about.Further, it’s pretty likely she didn’t expect or want you to see this photo, because, again, she probably is aware of your take on the issue.You ask if you should make sure she got the message. Unless the U.S. Postal Service has stopped doing its job – and I don’t think that’s the case, because I get mail every day, whether I want it or not – she got at least one of your messages.She is probably not responding because she feels she has nothing to respond to and nothing to apologize for.I understand that when you were her age, the circumstances your granddaughter-in-law were in in the photo were probably impossible to even fathom. Times change.If you feel homosexuality is an abomination for religious reasons, this is the United States of America and you are absolutely entitled to hold that opinion. You are absolutely entitled to disagree with people who tell you that you are wrong to hold that opinion. But they are absolutely entitled to tell you that you are wrong, and to express their own opinions.She probably has received your message loud and clear and has chosen to not respond rather than get in an argument with you about the matter. While avoidance is often the wrong road to take, there are many circumstances where ignoring the issue is the best thing to do, because there can be no resolution to the issue – at least none that doesn’t leave hard feelings between the parties.You have expressed your opinion. Multiple times.