The #SMEtiquette of Sharing Old Photos

Some of us are old enough (koff, koff) to have not lived our childhoods and college years online. I often consider myself fortunate that Facebook and Twitter didn't exist when I was in college, because all the stupid things I did in my late teens and early 20s stayed there.But it's really easy to upload old photos to Facebook, Flickr and any number of sites these days, so how do you handle that situation? That's the subject of this week's #SMEtiquette question.Don't forget to submit your question!

Dear Amy:I was going through some boxes in my basement the other day and found some great old photos from college and high school. I copied them, posted them on Instagram, and tagged my friends. One of my friends, Bob, got really upset that I’d posted without asking. I was really surprised, because they were such fun photos and it’s not like he didn’t know I had them.Was I wrong?Sincerely,Flummoxed Photographer

Dear Flummoxed:Hate to say it: Yes, you were wrong.These photos appear to have been taken in pre-digital times, based on what you said. Whether Bob even remembered these photos had been taken is up for debate. But even if he had remembered, it’s entirely possible he had no desire for these photos to ever see the light of day.Remember, when they were taken, there was no expectation that these photos would ever really be seen beyond your group of friends. Maybe not even by your parents. We all took photos of high school and college shenanigans that stayed between you, me, and the guy at the Walgreens photo department.It sounds as if you’re still in touch with Bob, too, so it shouldn’t have been too difficult to reach out and tell him you found these photos and wanted to post them. Maybe he would have even said yes.What happened here is that he was taken by surprise. He didn’t have any reasonable expectation that these photos would be posted online. Maybe he’s with an ex-girlfriend in one of the photos and his wife got annoyed that this was now online. Maybe he’s drinking or smoking a cigarette in one, and he’s sober or a non-smoker now and doesn’t want to set a bad example for his children. Or to glorify the days when he did these things.Thing is, Bob has every right to not want these photos online, particularly if he’s tagged in them. To just post them without asking was not the right thing to do.This question gets more complicated, though.Recently, an elementary school classmate posted our third-grade class picture. Everyone started tagging everyone else. And so far as I know, no one got upset. In fact, we all tagged other people, and had a long conversation about the teacher, things remembered, who was in the photo, and where some people had gone. It was great fun to see everyone back when they were so young, and compare with how they looked today.I didn’t see anything wrong with the photo being posted. I know the person who posted it did it with no ill intent. In fact, I am pretty sure the only people she tagged were herself and one other person she’d had a conversation with about the photo before she posted it.Was it wrong? I honestly don’t know. According to the etiquette rules I laid out above, it was. But maybe this is one of those cases where the exception proves the rule. Maybe class photos are exempt, because it’s a snapshot in time. Maybe they’re not.Now I’m a bit frazzled myself. I would lean toward saying that it’s OK, so long as you don’t make the photo public, make sure you use “friends” settings or even tighter settings. So it can’t be crawled by Google, but all those involved can see it and share it and share the memories.In circumstances where I can ask, I’d always err on the side of getting permission. In circumstances where I can’t, I would, at the very least, not tag people without their permission.There are exceptions to every rule, but you can’t go wrong by asking permission. It’s the thoughtful thing to do.