Parents: are WE the real reason girls aren’t dominating STEM careers?

A little girl's dreams of being Darth Vader

I was in the grocery store recently, and a little girl that looked to be about nine ran squealing down the bulk foods aisle to find her parents. She had a mass of black cloth clasped to her chest and her face was awash with total joy. She practically radiated. “MOM!” she screamed.“This is perfection!” the little girl proclaimed, handing her mother a child’s Darth Vader costume.“But that’s a boy costume,” her mother said.“You can’t tell if it’s a boy or girl, and I just think this would be so perfect. I am going to be Darth Vader for Halloween!” she stated without wavering.“Dad,” she said in the deepest voice she could muster, “I am yo father!”You could tell she expected her father to support her in this choice, perhaps he was the one who introduced her to the magic of Star Wars, but instead he said, “maybe they have a pink one.”Her face cocked to the side, looking slightly confused (and maybe even a little betrayed).“OOH!” her dad perked up, “maybe we can add some sequins or glitter to it for you? Or maybe glue on a plastic tiara?”“But Vader didn’t wear glitter or a tiara…” she said.No one told her to put the costume back, it ended up in the cart, and there was no blatant crime against humanity here, but it made me wonder if as parents, our innocent comments are why there remain fewer women in STEM careers than men?

Was this an innocent act? Of course, but...

Did these parents mean any harm? Of course not. But did they reiterate the gender roles dictated by our culture? Yes.I hope that little girl dresses up as Vader and that her evil knows no bounds. I hope no one can tell that she’s a boy or a girl, and I hope that no one cares (although they will, and they’ll assume there's a boy behind the mask).When our children approach us with enthusiasm, there is no harm in fostering that enthusiasm rather than stifling it. If it doesn’t hurt anyone, why reiterate that your child’s value lies in how much glitter is on her costume? Can you think of what career relies heavily on glitter? It doesn’t rhyme with cringe-ineer, it rhymes with nipper…