How the hell do I get this makeup off my face?

I don't wear makeup. Never have. Well, not never, but I can count the number of times on two hands. And most of those times, it was just lipstick.I had a friend in high school who was desperate to get me to wear makeup. Honestly, I was just too lazy. If I had started wearing makeup, I would have had to get up earlier. I am not a morning person. I'm very wash and wear and don't like spending too much time getting ready for anything. I'll totally walk out of the house with a wet head of hair. My hair is fabulous, wet or dry.I digress.For senior prom, my friend Debbie helped me put eyeliner on. It felt totally weird. I vaguely remember saying, "Ugh! Get it off, get it off my eyes!" She complied and we never spoke of it again.Not having worn it in high school, it never occurred to me to wear it in college. I've saved a ton of money that way, by the way. More money to spend on shoes.So today I was at a photo and video shoot, and I know you have to wear makeup in these situations because of lighting and stuff. That was the reason I wore lipstick two of the times I've worn it before. We had a professional makeup artist, and she was super-nice. She told me the whole time how great I was doing.Coincidentally, this was when I would be blinking wildly as she put on mascara (DUDE, WHAT IS THAT STUFF?). I texted my friends, asking how I was supposed to get this all off my face. I still look a bit like a raccoon, and am pretty sure there's still mascara stuck in my lashes. And she went light, out of pity for me.I honestly don't understand the point. I totally get people who love wearing makeup - it's all about what makes you feel comfortable.But I felt the makeup on my face all day. It felt totally weird and I kept feeling as if I would end up with fingerprints on my face if I even touched it. If I scratched an itch on my nose, would there be some weird bare spot? I rubbed the bottom of my nose when it got itchy, and looked at my finger to see if there was makeup on it. It occurred to me then that anyone watching would probably think I was looking to see if a booger had rubbed off.Ew.Anyway, my friends were very good-natured about it, and I got lots of compliments on my red lipstick.I might buy a tube (is that what they call it?). Even though I haven't the slightest clue of how to go about finding the right shade. The people who staff the makeup counters in department stores scare me.Photo via StockUnlimited.