Dear Amy: The #SMEtiquette of Twitter DMs

This week's Dear Amy #SMEtiquette question is totally one of the things that drives me batty. Once upon a time, Twitter DMs (Direct Messages) were one of the most effective ways to get in touch with someone. Now, they're all but ignored by so many people. Why? Because of automated DMs filling our inboxes.How do you feel about them? I do occasionally run into people who actually like them, and that always surprises me.Don't forget to submit your questions to Dear Amy! Dear Auto-DM:Yes, it is rude.Before you get too comfortable, I need to point out that the person being rude here is you, by automatically sending them a message to come join you on yet another platform, just after they’ve decided to see what you have to say on Twitter.There are a few things at play here:First, maybe this person already follows you or is friends with you on Facebook. So you’re telling her to join you, although she already has. So you’re being completely impersonal, and showing that you have no idea who she is.It’s as if you have been hanging out with her at the neighborhood bar, maybe even talking with her upon occasion, and then running into her at the store and after she says hi, you say, “Nice to meet you! You should join me at the bar sometime!”But look, everyone forgets people sometimes without meaning to be rude. And most people can accept that and get over it. And chances are, those people recognize you’re sending an auto-DM and aren’t taking it personally.So what about another scenario? This is someone who isn’t connected to you on Facebook. She saw a tweet of yours or somehow found a reason to follow you and clicked the button. What’s wrong with asking for a follow on Facebook, too?If you met someone while walking your dog and after exchanging pleasantries, that person immediately invited you go out for dinner, wouldn’t that be a little weird and creepy? I mean, you don’t really know this person. You just met while out for a stroll and don’t even know if you have anything in common other than the fact that you both have dogs. Besides, he has a Chihuahua and you have a Siberian husky. Maybe you don’t even have common dog interests.You don’t know this person. For all you know, in two weeks, you may change your walk route because you don’t get along.This person just followed you on Twitter, for heaven’s sake. Many people take Facebook a lot more seriously than Twitter, at least in terms of who they connect with – give each other a chance to get to know one another before extending the connection. Sending an auto-DM to join you on another platform is a bit presumptuous.And chances are, you haven’t even followed the person back yet. So now you’re asking for a second thing from her before even giving her one thing.If you must send an auto-DM, consider just saying, “Thanks for following!” But consider not sending any automatic DM. If you want to make sure your Twitter followers know how to find you on Facebook (though it’s really not that hard to find people, especially if their accounts are connected), add a link to your bio or send out a tweet every now and again inviting them to join you there.Take a breath. Let people get to know you before pushing them to take the next step in your online relationship.