Dear Amy: The #SMEtiquette of Staying Connected

We've all had fallings-out with friends. In the olden days of, say, 5 or 6 years ago, we'd have a fight or some sort of dispute and we wouldn't necessarily have to deal with them again. If we had mutual friends, there were the occasional get-togethers when we'd see them or have the chance we might see them, but most of the time it wasn't all that difficult to cut ties with a friend who stabbed you in the back.Times sure have changed. This week, Alina wrote in asking for advice on dealing with this situation.Don't forget to send in your question!

Dear Amy: What about a friend who stops talking to or stabs you in the back and remains on your social media. Should you get rid of them? I have a couple – I made the guy who stabbed me in the back view only my public posts and the other I left. But I'm not sure if I should have.Sincerely,Alina

Dear Alina:Without knowing deeper details, it's hard to fully answer this question. However, given that we've all experienced something along these lines in our lives, it's not too hard to address it generally.First off, when you've had a falling out with someone, there's nothing wrong with disconnecting. Would you keep sending updates to this person about your life if it weren't for Facebook or Twitter? Of course not.Of course, it seems even harsher to do that on social media, where you have to take a real action to disconnect. Clicking "unfriend" can feel so ... final. Especially if this is someone you cared a lot about before. If you stay connected on social media platforms, then there's that chance that you can make up at some point and reconnect in real life, too.What you've done with one of the two people, changing your settings so he only sees your public posts, is a good middle ground. It leaves the door open for possibly reconnecting in the future.Someone stabbing you in the back is a different issue than someone who stops talking to you. On that, I'd suggest reaching out and asking why she's stopped talking to you first. You very well may have done that, but it is something a lot of people avoid doing. Of course, if you don't really care wy this person has stopped talking to you, that's another thing entirely.If you determine the person has stopped talking to you due to a misunderstanding or something you actually did, but didn't realize would cause offense (which of course begs the question as to why this friend wouldn't ask you, but we'll overlook that because it's certainly not uncommon).It is possible, of course, that there are mutual friends who complicate things. Where unfriending either or both of these people would cause issues with other people. Usually that's confined to familial relationships, but happens with friendships as well. If that is the case, public gate these former friends. Allow them to see some posts, but not all.Perhaps you want to still be able to see what's going on in their lives, for whatever reasons. In that case, gating is still the best option. They may well be gating you, too.But, really, the best option is probably to just unfriend them. Detach from them. Separate your life. What are they going to say? "I stopped talking to Alina and she unfriended me, what a horrible person!"There's no more reason today to stay connected to people we want to disconnect from.Pull the plug.