Dear Amy: The #SMEtiquette of Interacting with Strangers on Facebook

We're all used to interacting with strangers on Twitter and Tumblr and a whole lot of social media sites, but Facebook has always been that place where we mostly know the people we're talking to. Sure, when we're commenting on a friend's wall, we might not know all their friends, but there's still a context to that conversation. But with settings being what they are these days, it's easier than ever to become privy to major events in perfect strangers' lives.That's the focus of this week's Dear Amy question. Submit yours!

Dear Amy:Sometimes, in my Facebook feed, I see posts that my friends have liked or commented on, because Facebook basically works like that old Herbal Essence shampoo ad — and they told two friends, and they told, and so on. Usually, the post is a link or a meme or something humorous, but sometimes it's a life event from someone who isn't on my friends list. I'm just seeing it because of their settings, and because we have a mutual friend.Here's my question: is it okay to congratulate people you don't know on their awesome life event, even if you don't know them but your friends do? Same question for empathizing with those in the interether who may be struggling. No one wants to appear creepy, but is it bad #SMEtiquette to offer congratulations or support?Sincerely,Mary Freakin' Sunshine

Dear Mary:I have this happen quite often because I have a completely open profile and rarely post anything that is gated to just friends. But even then, I'm often surprised when I see comments from people I don't know that are real, genuine comments (as opposed to spam comments telling me to like someone's Facebook page), because I still don't expect it.I remind myself that I have an open profile, and anyone can see anything, and most of the people who do this are friends with at least one person I know, so it's easy to figure out how they saw my post in the first place.I bring this up by way of noting that even if you expect to get comments from strangers on posts, you don't expect to get comments from strangers on posts.I think, though, that people are getting more and more used to it on Facebook. The folks running the platform seem bound and determined to connect us to everyone and anyone unless we explicitly say not to. We may see fewer posts from our actual friends, but we're seeing more posts that our friends are commenting on.So to your question - is it bad #SMEtiquette to comment on the major life events of relative strangers?One of the nice things about commenting on a stranger's wall on Facebook is that Facebook tells you what friends you have in common. So you can quickly see that even though this person is a stranger, he may not be an absolute stranger. I don't think there's anything wrong with commenting on these major life events, but keep the comments relatively low-key.In other words, if you're commenting on a death, don't launch into a whole explanation of how you understand exactly how she's feeling, your mother died last year and it was really hard and time will heal all wounds, etc. Keep it simple: "My condolences." or "My deepest condolences." or "So sorry to hear of your loss." If you go really heavy into a whole post on her wall, it will seem rather creepy if you don't know her. If you're just offering a simple expression of sorrow, it's not creepy, it's nice and can be comforting.Same for happy life events. A wedding? "Congrats!" or "You two look so happy in that photo!" or "May you have a long and happy life together." Again, simple. Getting into a whole thing about the joy of marriage or the like is going to feel a little creepy from a stranger. A simple expression of joy is not creepy, and is generally appreciated.That said, there will be some people who will be creeped out by this. I'd think most of them would have their Facebook settings so that you wouldn't be able to comment on their pages, but you never know. Not everyone fully understands how to properly adjust the settings. That's fine. Just don't be offended if someone does feel like you're being creepy. Apologize, explain how you saw the news and move on. Or just move on. You'll likely know what the better option is.But most people will appreciate the words of sympathy or support. Comment away! Just keep it short and sweet.