Dear Amy: The #SMEtiquette of Helping Friends Find Jobs

Pretty much everyone knows at least someone who's looking for a job, and most of us want to help these friends.But there's a difference between helping and just sending every job lead you come across. While you may have the best of intentions, it sometimes can make the hunt even more painful for the job-seekers. That's what we'll address this week.Don't forget: Submit your questions!

Dear Amy:A friend who's about my mom's age recently passed along a link to a job that was really far below my skill level and pay grade. When I mentioned it to her, so she'd know what I was looking for, she said, "Oh, I didn't read it, I just wanted to pass it along."I didn't take it too well, and then felt badly; and she was kind of upset because she felt I wasn't grateful. Job-hunting is so stressful, though, especially when you're unemployed, and to have to go through all these links sent by well-meaning people that aren't at all applicable to me just ends up making me feel worse.How should I handle this?Sincerely,Harried on the Job Hunt

The job hunt can be a very stressful time, indeed - whether or not you're currently employed.It's understandable that your friend would want to help, but it can be difficult to have to wade through all sorts of links that aren't at all appropriate. Of course, you never know if they're appropriate until you look at them, and you probably don't want to ignore a link in case that's the one you should be looking at.So. What to do?Talk to the friends who are sending you inappropriate links. Thank them for their consideration and let them know you're truly grateful they're thinking of you. Explain that you don't want them wasting their time by sending you links to things that don't make sense for you, so give them a better sense of the type of job description you're looking for.They can't know what to send you if they don't know what you're looking for. It's pretty common to not really know what our friends really do to earn their paychecks - or to know how much they're paid to do it (especially if your friend has a spouse or partner, because it's often surprising to find who's earning more. If you're not comfortable sharing salary requirements, it's hard to get upset at people for not taking them into consideration, though if you're relatively experienced, you shouldn't expect someone to send you a job description with an entry-level salary.The most important thing to remember is that these people are trying to help. If you find they're not often helpful, set aside a certain time each day or each week to go through these emails and links. Open them all at once and you're probably able to tell at a quick glance whether it's worth pursuing further.The alternative is that you have friends who don't care and aren't even thinking of you.I would like to say something to those friends who are sharing job openings they see, however.Don't just share any job because you see one word kinda sorta sounds like what your friend does. If you do share that job because you think it might be applicable to him or her, add a caveat that you're not sure that this is what she's looking for and to let you know if it's not. No one expects you to plow through job listings to help your friend. But if you do share a link, read through it first - make sure it at least seems like something your friend would be interested in.Ask your friend what types of jobs you should keep an eye and ear out for. If you don't have time to determine if the job listing is a good one, say so when you send it, so your friend has the right expectations going in. When you send someone a link to a job that's really below their skills, experience and pay, it's hard for them not to take it personally - thinking that you perhaps don't think that much of him to suggest such a beginner-level job. Even if he intellectually knows that's not the case, it can be hard to recognize that emotionally.How do you deal with this situation?